Memories

Driving around the city I grew up in I got to thinking about the past. I've been doing that a lot since I have been back; its kind of hard to avoid when so much of my life was spent here. Its amazing how a scent, a song, a person, or a place can take you back to a time long ago. A specific moment in time that is unchanging, that has so much meaning to you whether it be good or bad. I spent a long time running from these memories. I did everything I could to forget them, but they are always there in the back of my mind haunting me, waiting for something to bring them to my attention. Not all of my memories are bad, but there is a sadness that comes with them all. The good ones leave me missing that time. I drove by the one place that I always found comfort in and it is gone, replaced by a housing development. I knew this. I knew my safe haven was no longer there, but driving by its replacement made me sad. I miss my old place, the place I spent so much time growing up. I learned to drive on the long gravel road there; I went there when nothing else in my life made sense and found the comfort I was looking for. And now it is gone forever and I took it for granted when it was there. I have driven by other places that still stand that hold horrible memories, memories best left buried, but come out from time to time. That place stands and my safe haven is gone. The question that stands out in my mind is how long do I dwell on these things? What is the appropriate amount of time to bask in the good memories or linger on the bad ones? Should I just move on? Am I even ready to move on? Why do I feel the need to hang on so much to the past? Its what made me who I am today, but spending too much time remembering keeps me from actually being who I am today. Reliving my past reverts me back to who I was then, and I don't want that. I want to move on, be me now and look forward to the new memories that I am going to make, but somehow I just can't quite let go. Hopefully someday soon I will let go and be free.