Tempting Fate

Okay, I know, I haven't been posting much lately and when I do it basically says nothing, just that I am busy and not home much, which is true. When things are going well I just don't have much to say. My life in the past month has been uneventful. I spend most of my free time with my boyfriend, and we are not very exciting people. We watch tv or movies, he plays video games and I watch tv or movies that he wouldn't like. That is pretty much a typical night for me, and really I couldn't be happier with it. After all the drama in my life I love spending quite evenings at home with my boyfriend. So why couldn't I leave well enough alone? Why did I invite some drama back into my life? Well, because it is me, and I can't help it. Now before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I did not do anything bad, maybe not the smartest thing in the world to do, but far from a bad thing. Shawn called me the other day, and he sounded upset. He finally broke up with his girlfriend and wanted to see me. I know, I know how this sounds, but I know Shawn and he knows I have a boyfriend so he wasn't just trying to get in my pants, he actually wanted to talk. I agreed to see him. He obviously needed to talk to someone he could trust and be completely honest with and he has always trusted me, and even when it hurts, he is always honest with me. The only thing I knew before he came over was that they had broken up because she was back on drugs, specifically meth, and she was cheating on him. Come to find out that since the break up she has sunk even lower. She is now literally a crack whore. She is selling her body for crack. What the fuck? I truly feel bad for this girl. How fucked up do you have to be to become a crack whore because the guy you were lying to and cheating on dumped you? What did she expect? Its just crazy. Of course Shawn had to keep saying, "see I told you if I broke up with her she would lose it." Now I will go back a few months, when Shawn kept breaking up with her just to get back with her like a week later and how much that hurt me. He explained that while he did want to be with me, he knew that she would not handle the break up well at all, while I was mature and could handle being hurt, which is true. I certainy did not turn into a crack whore. Since he had to pick between hurting me and hurting her, he decided to hurt me even though he would have rather been with me. Believe me I did not let him off the hook. First, he admitted before this that he never thought that she would sink this low. He thought that there would be lots of angry phone calls, text messages, maybe a hate letter and possibly a slashed tire, and while that is still fucked up, I still say he is a pussy for staying with her because he didn't want to deal with that shit. If he wanted to be with me so bad, he would have just delt with it. Second, I pointed out that all he did by staying with her was postpone the inevitable. He never intended on staying with her forever. Sooner or later he was going to have to deal with breaking up with her and it was never going to be good. In fact, by waiting until now it may be worse than if he did it before. If he did it while she was clean she may have handled it better, but by waiting until she was already cheating and on meth then it became a much smaller step to becoming a crack whore. He then proceeded to try to make fun of my boyfriend because he said he hates him on principle. So you may ask, why do I invite this into my life? Why would I invite over an ex boyfriend when I am perfectly happy with my current boyfriend? Well, he is my friend, I care about him, and I have told him that I would always be here for him, and those are not just empty words for me. He obviously needed to talk and I was there to listen. I know I shouldn't tempt fate by seeing him. I don't know how long the friend thing can last. I know I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend, but seeing Shawn too much could destroy my relationship with my boyfriend. I wish I could just stay away from Shawn completely, but the truth is I will always care about him, there will always be a connection between us. Too bad our timing is absolutely horrible. Oh well, I guess that means that it was probably not meant to be.