Fuck Dial-up
So I am home, and haven't gotten around to turning the cable internet back on, and again this is my one day off this week so there is no time to do it. I just want to say fuck dial-up and fuck aol!!! I can't get a decent connection, I get cut off every few minutes and it is really starting to get to me. If I am not commenting or posting much, now you know why. I had a wonderful time back in Omaha. In fact it was the first time ever that I was actually quite sad to leave. I just didn't want to go, I didn't want my visit to end, and now I don't want to be in California. I had a wonderful time seeing 1031 and Ithiel, I didn't realize how much I had missed both of them. After not seeing 1031 for 9 months or Ithiel for like 6 years, both friendships were just picked up where they had left off and it was extrememly comfortable. Being in Omaha felt like being home for the first time since I left, complete with some relationship drama. I can't stand the way things were left between me and my ex. He is with his girlfriend again because he got harrassed by her, her parents, his parents, his friends, and his sponser. Now I can understand caving under that much pressure, but I could move on with my life if he just loved her and wasn't with her out of obligation. She was there for him when he went through surgery and was close to death. That is wonderful and a good reason to keep her in his life, but he doesn't love her, isn't attracted to her anymore, and she annoys him. He has no problem cheating on her. I was kind of hoping I would go back and that spark just wouldn't be there anymore, but I was wrong. After seven years its still very much there and now I can't stop thinking about him and its making my life here miserable. I don't know what to do, if I should just get over it and move on, or if I should move back to Omaha in 6 months when my lease is up. I could live a lot cheaper in Omaha, I would be close to my friends and family, and I would be a lot closer to Chicago as I miss a lot of people there terribly as well and can't afford to ever go back just for the heck of it. Living in Omaha I could probably get back there at least a few times a year, lord knows I have done that drive plenty. I just don't know. I swore I would never move back to Omaha, but its not like I am doing anything in California that I can't do in Omaha. I just pay a lot of money to be in a much nicer climate. My allergies don't bother me at all out here, I do have some wonderful friends here. I would miss it, but I don't know if that is enough to keep me here anymore. I have a lot of thinking to do.
posted by AliKat @ 11/29/2005 05:05:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
And isn't that the catch 22. It would be much easier if Omaha wasn't so far away. THat's how I feel anyway. It just seems so unreachable, so far away.
I said I'd never move back here either, but then I had a nervous breakdown and moved back here. Funny how things work out.
If you were to decide to move back, I have to say, I hope the ex wouldn't be a major factor in this. He cheated on his current girlfriend and there's absolutely no reason to think he wouldn't do the same to you somewhere down the line, regardless of this "spark."
Believe me, moving across the country to be with someone isn't the best of reasons. I went to college in Ohio because of a girl. Ohio, for cryin' out loud. I still shudder at the memories.
But I digress.
And don't forget, the weather still does really, really suck here.
He wouldn't really be the reason for the move, I miss all my friends in Omaha, I miss my family, I miss midwestern values and strangers smiling and waving at me, and life would be a little easier. It is a lot cheaper the live out there, but yes the weather does suck, but hey I lived with the midwest weather for 23 years, its not like I don't know what i am getting into. As far as the cheating thing, he wouldn't have cheated on her with anyone but me, in fact I don't think he is allowed to look at other girls in her presence. I don't know, that is kind of a risk you take in any relationship. I probably wouldn't even tell him I was moving back, I would just do it, but again have to see how I feel in six months. Right now all I know is I haven't felt this depressed in a long time. I had a hard time getting excited for Rent today, that is how low I am feeling. Well and to top it all off I am sick, that never helps.
See, and you get sick out here, too. Damn cold weather. Feel better.
Sorry you're feelin' down. And Rent's kind of a depressing movie, too. That's not a good combination.
No, I got sick because my roommate was sick before I left, and now I have what she had. Had nothing to do with Omaha. And yeah watching Rent probably not the best idea, I think I cried even harder this time around.
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