Relationships
I have been thinking a lot about my past relationships, what went wrong, what went right and why I am still so willing to put myself out there so completely. So on the what went wrong side I realized that some character traits that make it really easy for people to take advantage of me and hurt me. First, I tend to try to focus on the good in people I will search for it if I have to, which isn't a bad thing, but sometimes it blinds me to the bad things in a person. My ex in California is the perfect example of this. We met, we clicked right away and things were wonderful. I saw the warmth and kindness and love in him and though he wasn't perfect I saw the potential in him to be a really wonderful man. I focused on that and ignored the warning signs of his violent temper. He punched a hole in the wall and pushed me around a bit, and I let it go. I let it go until the night that he exploded and I had to call the cops on him. I just didn't want to admit that he had a violent temper until it was kind of too late. It could have been worse, only a couple of bruises, some broken furniture, and I eventually got over it. It took some time to get over that kind of utter betrayal of trust and there are a few signs here and there that I am not 100% over the entire thing, but I got through it, and I like to think that I am stronger because of it. My downfall with Shawn was hope. He kept playing into the hope, making promises he couldn't keep, talking about a future that we would never had, and he strung me along for almost a year with that. He talked about fate and how we belonged together, how much he cared about me, anything that would keep that hope alive. These traits are bad things to have, just in the hands of the wrong person it can do a lot of harm.
The sad thing that I discovered about the relationships I had that were really wonderful was that they were ones that had a time limit going into them. The guy I went on my 6 week road trip around the country with was a wonderful relationship. We loved each other, had a wonderful time, but because we live in two different states and our lives are too different that is all we will ever had. We are still friends, he has since gotten married and I wish all the best to him. We had a perfect open, honest and loving relationship, that ended with the end of our vacation. Joel is another example of this. We met in London on vacation, fell pretty hard for each other, but because we have always lived halfway across the country from one another, nothing more has ever some of it. We are still close, I talked to him tonight in fact, and we always talk about trying to see each other again, but after all these years it has never happened and now he is going to be shipped off to Korea. What I am not sure about with these relationships is if they were only so good because we knew going into it that it would end so we the little time we had together the best we could, or if it is just so happened that I met guys in far off places who are more like me, open and honest and trusting right from the start. I don't think that I was much different in these relationships than I was in others, and I don't know what would have happened if we had met under different circumstances.
So why do I keep putting myself out there? Even if it was for brief moments, I caught a glimpse of what true love could be, how wonderful it is, and I know I can have that again. That is why I can't go off and be a trophy wife in Chicago as tempting as that offer can be sometimes, but it would be for friendship and convenience, not love. Why should I settle for anything less than true love?
posted by AliKat @ 6/23/2006 12:07:00 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Settling should have no part in your choice to be with someone. Absolutely none. People are all so very different. One person's ideal mate is completely different from anothers. People get into relationships for different reasons. You want a relationship for love. Don't settle. But I think it's important to put yourself out there. I commend you for it. With every relationship that goes awry, you have learned more about yourself and more about what you want. The experiences seem to suck while they're happening, but I think they all add a dimension to who you are.
I just keep thinking of the priest from The Princess Bride. You know, "Wove, twoo wove..."
'Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life.' --Joseph Conrad
You keep putting yourself out there because, out there, is a man who will make you so happy that, no matter what the future holds, he, in your heart, and you in his, will make anything that comes worth all the while. We don't say, "I settle"-- we say, "I believe!" and, once we've said it often enough and our hearts are still so pure with hope, then it eventually finds us. We can't, however, be afraid of giving everything to discover it. Every journey, every adventure, is worth our lives. But losing in love will not kill us, no matter how it hurts our heart. Just as with falling down, we must pick ourselves out of the dirt, brush ourselves off, wipe away the blood from our knees and the tears from our eyes, and continue on.
'What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well.' -- Master de Saint Exupery
When you find it, it will transcend all other loves because it will be the culmination of this long and hard journey, and that destination, that new journey, will culminate into years of closeness as the two of you walk hand in hand down the path that you make for yourselves, together.
-- The God of Hellfire
Never, ever, ever, settle. I haven't and look at me; almost 27 and one lonely bastard if I do say so myself (puffs out chest, with hands on hips, all top off with swarmy look on face). Okay, point is I'm still happy and I don't have to go and find some sort of outside simulus from a poor relationship at could have been. Good reasons to have said relantionship but not a great one.
Keep looking, even if you never find what you are looking for, and who cares how long the relatinship lasts as long as it is. One of the great sorrows of the world is holding back love for the protection of others. You are givig and finding love wherever it may blossom, even the deePEST PITS OF HELL!!!!!!!!! ... ... sorry :).
Anyway love is love. You love for it, give it, bask in it, but rason chatches up and says "nope not here" and rarly do you part ways in a negative manner, and why.... ....because love was there and why ruin love.
And I am running on and on and on. I remember waking up feeling a little out of it and I have been lowing my nose since then but it must be the air (combined with the mental state of doing what it is I am doing) but the heavens have part and clarity decends upon my head of fire which is why am able to give such glorious looking wisdom (actually the same thin over and over again but in beautiful wording).
...the T has spoken
PEACE ;P
putting yourself out there can be hard.. continuing to do so after dating someone aggressive :| even moreso.. but the alternative really isn't an option if you want to live life. ~hugs~ for not giving up
~candy
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